The Brooch Pin and the McDonald’s Wrapper (A.K.A Why men shouldn’t wear green dresses)

IMG_7029 - Copy‘Why shouldn’t I wear the green dress?’ Matthew said. He pouted at the reflection of his translucent Grandfather in the mirror. His bottom lip was stained with Ruby Red gloss. Unfortunately for all concerned, barring future visitors to Dark Lane’s McDonalds toilets, Matthew’s grandfather’s response was constrained by 10th century ghostly doctrines. Instead of insisting that, ‘no one will be scared by a male ghost in a green dress’, he huffed. Huffing as a ghost is a unique process: Matthew’s grandfather’s sequence included; blowing open six windows, levitating Matthew’s dresser and, for good measure, extinguishing six candles.

The thirty year old, who donned dresses at weekends, became accustomed to dressers levitating and windows opening during the potty training years and so, despite needing the security of a night light, the eyes he’d carefully lined with kohl, remained carefully lined.

Several hours later he stabbed a central artery with his brooch pin and bled his life force out onto a McDonald’s Big Mac wrapper. (Fortunately, the floors next mop was scheduled to take place in fifteen minutes.) Matthew’s grandfather was filled with regret as he hovered above Susan –McDonald’s newest recruit -: having the ability to say I told you so would have provided tremendous ammunition during the centuries to follow.

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